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Separation to Divorce, help!

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Hello Friend,          Separation to Divorce, help!           2/2/13

Not sure how to start this, so here goes. In June my wife Lyn ask for a separation. And then in October she asked for a divorce. This separation has taken a major part of my attention and energy since then. This is why you have not received any letters for a long time. This has been a very painful time for me. There have been many sleepless nights and feelings of despair rolling around in me.

In the next weeks or year we hope to work on deciding how to divide up our things and money. I fear it could get full of tension. So I want to ask you to be praying for us that we can keep our relating amicable for the good of us and all our family for the future. Also pray especially for me that I could keep from falling into a defensive attitude which would undermine that.

One hopeful thing is that Lyn and I both want to come out of this friendly for the good of ourselves and all our family. It would be a real gift to come out of this being able to relate to each other amicably. I want to make clear that as I see it, I have been at least 50% responsible for the separation.
One of the church leaders here said, “Going through a divorce is probably one of the most stressful human experiences.” I sense there is a lot of truth in this. This experience has brought me to a new empathy for those that go through separation. In some ways to me it is like Lyn has died.

I have been so fortunate to be invited to be part of a household of 11 at Reba Place Mennonite Fellowship. Here I am able to help take care of one of their members who is disabled as a way of covering my room and board. This makes me feel worthwhile and useful. I get three meals a day and have many people around who are very supportive. It has been such a gift from the Lord. I don’t see how I would have done it trying to live alone during this time.

In spite of the many painful things, God has brought some very good things. One of those is that it has brought us closer together in some ways and for me a new appreciation of each one in our family. I see now I was taking them too much for granted. Also, I came to a new understanding of the significance of losing my parents when I was 12 that I hadn’t seen before.

I have been fortunate to have come across the book What about the Kids (Raising your Children Before, During, and after Divorce) by Judith Wallerstein. It has really helped me to see the negative impact the separation could have on each of us and how to soften it. I strongly recommend it if you know any one dealing with separation. Judith has interviewed more families who have been through divorce than any other person in the USA.

Thank you so much ahead of time for your prayers.
Jim

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