Over our cell group lunch Sharon Moriarty Doran shared how her father said, “...many cruel things in the course of one ten to fifteen minute conversation which left me in tears. He referred to my daughter and his granddaughter as a little sh*t, and how much pain it caused her emotionally. He brushed it off as just being funny remarks. This is the way he has always been, he will never change.” One of us said, “That is a lie, to believe he will never change; that keeps us in the same old rut. You need to let him know how it makes you feel with an “I statement”. He probably doesn’t realize the pain this is to you. Your not letting him know is enabling his negative ways to continue. If you do it, just let him know how it makes you feel, without accusing him, be gentle.” We then prayed together for the situation.
That night Sharon wrote an email to her father trying to do the above. The next morning she received an email back in which he apologized, He had asked his wife, Sharon’s mother, what she thought about Sharon’s email. Always before her mother had tried to ignore the many times such things happened, but this time she told him, “That wasn’t funny; you need to apologize to Sharon.” Sharon shared, “He apologized for all his slights towards me and promised to "do better" the next time we speak.” Alleluia! Alleluia!
Insanity is to keep responding the same way over and over while expecting new results.
Here at Reba and LWCC communal people have been trying to decide whether to go to a fancy center that would cost $7000 for a retreat or try to do it at home here for a lot less. Allen said now we have the money and there is nothing right or wrong in this decision, so we will not try to seek consensus: if the vote is 25/ 23 we will just follow the majority. Then there were some remarks about how 50 years ago we were all under 30 and now that we have several above 60 some can’t go to the fancy place because they have to sleep at home, and that we should consider being inclusive in the vote. Then Allen called for a vote, “who votes for the fancy place?” And nobody raised their hand. We all laughed - what great sense of humor the Lord has.
My friend Rod Orr shared how in a visit to a prison after asking the prisoners “what was something good that God has done in your life? And what are your concerns and needs?” About all the prisoners thought to share was all the good God has done for them, like getting into the word, their prayer time, their cell mate initiating turning off their TV so they could pray. One shared how his cell mate initiated going to the library when he wanted to pray, another how he came to feel that God’s solution to his problems was the distance between his knees and the floor so he prayed on his knees. The only concern mentioned for prayer was when one asked for prayer for his sister who was pregnant.
In my own life in my recent separation from CPT Colombia the Lord has done a lot in helping me and CPT come to a good space with each other. In my last conversation with Pierre (the designated communicator by CPT), we spent over 10 minutes in which he applauded my gifts at sharing about CPT work, especially with people who disagreed with peace and justice work. “You have more people on your list than CPT Colombia does,” Pierre remarked.
I thank all those who responded to my separation from CPT Colombia letter with many caring encouraging words and your many prayers. Blake from Jubilee and Norma from Hope called to express their care. Thanks to all I feel a miracle has happened in the positive space to which CPT and I have come out in this saga.
I am now planning to have a conversation with the Presbyterians in which I will share about my history with CPT and our differences that brought us to separation. As my counselor recently shared, 69% of differences never result in agreement, and whether we stay in relationship is determined by whether we turn in love toward the other with whom we disagree. Too often we turn away or against them the person we disagree with which breaks our relations.
Several of us have been attending a 10 week healing seminar here at Reba Place put on by Karl and Charlotte Lehman. Some of the most significant information for me was that when we verbally share our appreciation for others and positive memories of God’s presence it actually produces very positive changes in our sense of wellbeing and positive chemical changes in our brains. This has sparked me to share the above acts of God using us despite all our warts.
Last Saturday I heard Walter Wink above who wrote The Powers that Be. I was able to shake his hand and tell him how God used my 4 or 5 readings of the book to shape my peacemaking. I had several very good conversations with others too.
Please pray for my conversation Thursday 2/19 with the Presbyterians.
Peace, joy, and love to you this day,
Jim
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